Wandering Thoughts
by Maisuki-chan
Summary: Oneshot. As Fakir writes stories late into the night, he begins to get distracted by his thoughts.
1. Wandering Thoughts

**Wandering Thoughts**

There were times when Fakir would ponder on whether to use his power to make Ahiru a girl once more. He thought about it so many times, but there was always something stopping him from carrying it out. It could've been the fact that her transformation would've started yet another tragic tale or even the fear of abusing his powers out of complete selfishness. Once he thought it could've been that Ahiru would be furious with him for doing so.

He could imagine what she would say.

"_Fakir, you hypocrite!"_

He smiled unconsciously. Yes, he would've been a hypocrite. After all, wasn't it he who said to her that they should go back to being their real selves?

He wasn't going to write her story solely for his own benefit. He knew that she longed to be human again and to do what a regular girl would do. But then he also knew that she was happy being a duck, not having to carry responsibility like a human would and being who she really was. Sometimes he wondered which form she would be happiest with. It gave him a headache from constantly thinking about it.

He knew that she loved to dance, as a human and as a duck. Sure, she didn't have the natural skill like Mytho and Rue, but she loved it passionately. Once as he was writing, he took a glance out the window and caught her practicing on the shore of the lake. She would leap into the air only to have her feet slip and fall flat on her face. She would then get up and sigh sadly before wading into the water. It was later on that he confronted her about it only to have her blush, get flustered, and deny it. He said no more on the subject.

She never changed in personality even if she changed in form. She was still the clumsy, air headed, simple minded oaf he knew from the moment he met her. As he began to know more and more about her, he saw more admirable traits as well as bad traits in her. He now knows that she would never consider anyone an enemy, had a loving and caring personality, and brought hope to everyone, practically bathing the room in it whenever she stepped in it. Then again, she was still ditsy as before, spacing out during their walks and somehow tripping over objects that weren't even in her path. That's just what he loved about her.

Yes, he would admit it. He was head over heels in love with her. You don't make a promise to a friend to always stay by their side and not have any hidden meaning behind it. Even friends break the most important promises or forget them within time, but lovers or very close friends would at least try to keep them.

At first, it came as a shock to him. He hadn't realized how much of the feelings he had for her had grown. He always thought that it was the light and warmth she brought to people. He would catch himself staring at her or searching for her during his periodic rests from writing and would even become worried if she didn't come home at sunset. It could've been him, but he felt that the room went cold when she left it.

These feelings for the bird made him confused to the point where he would write nothing for days. He would even avert his gaze whenever Ahiru would nudge him from his work, and he would continue to ignore her for the rest of the day. Of course, this made her very worried, and he kicked himself mentally for making her do so. One day, he finally sat down and pondered more and more about his actions until he sorted out his feelings and concluded of his love for the duck. It bothered him at first, but he slowly grew used to the idea.

Every day since he realized his feelings, he had an urge to write about her. It took all of his power to stop it because…one, he wouldn't know what kind of consequences it would have; two, he didn't want to write about her without her consent; and three, he was embarrassed to write it.

Besides, he was better off not writing her story. He lived a simple life: writing, eating, fishing, and taking walks with Ahiru. You can't get any simpler than living in a cottage outside the village near a lake. Both of them were happy being their real selves. He was happy living a safe and simple life. She was happy to have company.

But if he could just write about her more –

Ahiru quacked softly at him curiously as she stood on his desk. She had been watching him ever since he stopped writing to think. She knew that he never stopped writing long unless something big was on his mind or he had a case of writer's block.

He looked at her, and his gaze softened as he lifted his free hand to pat her head gently, assuring her that it was nothing worrisome. Her crystal blue eyes looked deep into his soul, and she knew that something was bothering him. She nudged his arm, her eyes giving him a silent message.

_Tell me what's bothering you_, she seemed to say.

He shook his head lightly. In response, she huffed, flew to the floor, and waddled over to rest on the bed as if saying, _Fine! Don't tell me_. His eyes followed her every move.

Feeling his eyes on her, she looked back.

"Quack?" she said with her eyes narrowing suspiciously as if saying _"Why are you staring at me?"_

"It's nothing," he turned back to his work. He could hear her frustration in the background. He chuckled silently as he tried to concentrate only to find that he couldn't. His thoughts consumed him once again.

_Should I confess to her soon?_ He suddenly asked himself.

He nearly banged his head on the desk, a red hue coming across his face. Why should that question come up all of a sudden? Okay, sure. It wasn't like he was hiding it from her, and she wouldn't even notice.

It was true that there were numerous chances for him to confess, but he felt like it wasn't necessary. Ahiru made him happy just by being there. However, having her not know how much she meant to him hurt him even more. He wanted to tell her, but he didn't know how to express it. He sighed dejectedly at his new dilemma.

He looked over to Ahiru, curious at what she was doing and wanting to distract himself from his thoughts. She was just getting ready for bed, circling around the center of the bed to get comfortable. When she sat, she looked up at stared back at Fakir. She cocked her head to one side as she gestured to the bed.

_Are you going to sleep now?_ Her gesture seemed to say.

"I'll continue writing this a bit more," he replied. She, in turn, shrugged with eyes half open. She then tucked her head under her wing and was soon sleeping soundly.

He stared at her more, wondering whether or not he should write her story. His hand almost came in contact with his feather pen when he remembered what he was doing and scolded himself.

_Remember your reasons,_ he told himself.

He, once again, sighed in frustration. It seemed like he wasn't going to get any work done that day. Again. He was too distracted by her these days, although he didn't mind the least bit. He could never get mad at Ahiru for distracting him. Admitting defeat, Fakir set his feathered pen down, scraping the chair back while stretching his legs and his arms. He stood up and made his way over to the bed where Ahiru lie.

He paused before her, gazing at her sleeping form with gentle eyes. She lay there with her head tucked under her wing, breathing in and out. He slowly and gently lifted her, making sure that he didn't wake her, so he could pull back the covers and lay her beside him after he made himself comfortable. He took another look at Ahiru before putting his head fully onto the pillow.

He could still feel his hand aching to write more stories, but his mind was exhausted from all the thinking he did the whole day.

_Maybe I should leave the way things are_, Fakir thought, _I shouldn't meddle in things I shouldn't._

He paused in his thoughts.

_But I will confess to her when the moment is right,_ he decided.

With that, he blew out the candle and silently bid Ahiru good night.

* * *

**A/N:** Golly. It's been a while since I posted anything here...well. Hope you guys like it. It's a one-shot, so don't expect there to be another chapter, 'kay? I wrote this like...a year ago after watching the series, and if I wrote a continuing chapter, I don't think it'll get the same feeling as this one.

Tell me what you think. I'm always looking for ways to improve my writing.

_Maisuki-chan_

Edit- My story was nominated in the dotmoon awards for 2007! If you liked my story, please vote for it! The link is on my profile!


	2. Pondering Thoughts

**Pondering Thoughts**

Ahiru thought and pondered, pondered and thought.

Every day she would come to the lake near the cottage where she and Fakir stayed. Every day she swam on that lake with a contented sigh and would just think. There was nothing more needed of her, no battles, no searching, no tension. It was very quiet and very peaceful. Sometimes it was too quiet and too peaceful, but once Ahiru thought about how much she had to go through to get this peace, it was all worth it. But there were some times where she wouldn't know what to do because boredom would strike her daily. So thinking was what she did all day to save her from it.

Her thoughts varied. Sometimes she wondered what Pique and Lily were doing and how they were getting along without her. She saw them once. They were walking around the lake one day with a space in the middle where Ahiru used to walk. They were asking each other why it was so natural to walk like this and then shrugged and walked on. She didn't get close to them. She was happy to see them, but her heart pained a little to think of them. She missed them terribly, but she knew that this was meant to be. She was a duck after all, only meant to be a duck and nothing more.

Sometimes she would think about Rue and Mithos. She would wonder what they were doing while thinking fondly that they were so happy and joyous in love. She was also very happy that they took their time out of their schedule to come and visit her and Fakir. Mithos would shake hands with Fakir and then give his good friend a hug, and Rue would hug Ahiru and kiss her on the head. Mithos would then stare thankfully at Ahiru and tell her so, while Rue would smile and shake hands with Fakir. They were still on rocky grounds, but their relationship was gradually progressing. Then they would spend the whole day chatting (mostly on their part, Ahiru would just listen) and telling each other what they've been doing with their time. Those days were especially nice.

Sometimes she would wonder what it would be like to become human again. She could swim and eat and take walks and roam around and dance – but then she remembered that she does all of those things even as a duck, excluding dancing, that is. She got curious one day and wondered if she remembered how to dance, since it had been a long time she had done so. She started to dance on the banks of the lake only to have to forget what came next and falling on her face right afterwards. She then returned to swimming, thinking that the moves will come back to her if she thought about something else. Later on, when Fakir asked her about her dancing, she realized that he had been watching and got embarrassed. He must've thought it was amusing to see her dance clumsily as a duck.

Today though, Ahiru was pondering about Fakir and his curious behaviors lately. He became quiet and elusive so suddenly, and when she tried to make him talk to her, he would continue to ignore her.

This made her grumpy. _What is his problem?_ She would think. She always thought of Fakir being confusing and moody. Why, when she first met him, he was grumpy and serious and mean and – Ahiru shook her head. The only reason why he was like that at first was because he was trying his best to assume the role of a knight. She knew that his real self was kind and caring and gentle and protective and responsible. She also knew that he tries his best to protect the people he cares about.

She chuckled.

She remembered that he would get too serious about some things. Once she remembered that he was so deeply into his writing that he would neglect his physical needs. He felt obligated and responsible to write the stories so that it would be a happy ending. He was so different from Drosselmeyer. That man was cruel to make his characters suffer and live in eternal despair. She found it sickening that he loved having sad and cruel stories. Fakir, on the other hand, was much more gentle and caring to his characters. He had to have despair and fear and suffering in his stories – for stories aren't interesting without some suffering and the characters would have a good reason to fight for something they believe in – but he would try to make the endings peaceful. Like theirs.

Fakir also wouldn't control the characters. He would let his hand write freely so that the characters could have the sense that they were in control of their own fate. Sometimes he would have to step in, for their safety, of course. But it was Fakir's loving and caring for people and his characters that make Ahiru love and admire him.

Yes. She would admit it. She loves Fakir.

When did it start? She didn't know. It was like a flower, blossoming in the spring. Ahiru suspected that it had always been there as a small bud, waiting for its chance to shine and share its beauty. She thought that it began when he saved her in the Lake of Despair. When all hope was lost for her, Fakir was the one who had brought her back. Like in the fairytales, Fakir was the prince who saved Ahiru the princess from impending danger. It was not Prince Mithos who saved her, it was **Fakir**.

Could she have been mistaken? She thought that she loved Prince Mithos with all her heart, but now it just seemed like admiration and infatuation that she had disillusioned it to be love. Her relationship with Prince Mithos was not love, no. She can see that now. Where love lies had always been with Fakir.

When she was with Mithos, Ahiru felt that there was a small and gentle light like a candle deep within her heart. It surged with passion and inextinguishable hope. There actually was love but not the kind when two lovers are together. This love is a love between mother and son or among siblings or among close friends. It is the love to protect and to cherish. That was the feeling Ahiru got when she was with Mithos.

When she was with Fakir, it was completely different. She felt that if the world collapsed from under her, he would be the one who held her up and keep her from falling. Even if the world ended, she would want to die there right beside him, hopefully in his arms. She felt that all that mattered was him. Whenever she saw him smiling, her heart would quicken and felt like it would burst. When he was frowning or was frustrated, she would worry constantly. When he was ignoring her or shoving her away, like he's doing now, it felt like he ripped something out of her or was stabbed deep in her heart. What was left was a rift in her heart, an irreplaceable and unfixable rift. No one else can mend it except for him. Ahiru even felt protective over this feeling. She wouldn't want to love anyone else but him…

But these thoughts, these feelings, these attitudes…even the way she sees him! They were just so wrong. They felt _excruciatingly_ wrong! She wasn't supposed to feel this way about him! She wasn't supposed to feel this way about anyone! She is a duck, he is a human! There is no way that they can work this out!

Ahiru shook her head furiously, first in embarrassment then in utter sadness. She looked down at the water and saw her reflection. She was just a plain yellow duck with a piece of feather sticking out from the top of her head. He wouldn't feel the same way about her, would he? Of course she was a duck, and he was a human. It could never work out between them. He probably didn't even look at her as a female because she had such a complicated disposition…

But still…

If she were human again, she wouldn't have to worry about things like whether or not this love is okay since she's truly a duck. Odette was the same way wasn't she? But wait, she was originally human who was turned into a swan…

But still…

If she were human again, she would tell Fakir how she felt in his language. She would tell him so that he would understand and would know how she felt. She felt her heart swell like a balloon on that fantasy. Then it slowly deflated once she remembered her promise to Fakir in the Lake of Despair.

"_Let's go back to our real selves_."

That's right. She must not deceive anyone ever again, for she was truly a duck and he was a gentle writer. She was not a human and he was not a valiant knight. He kept his promise, and she must keep hers. Asking him to turn her back into a human is, by far, the most selfish and hypocritical thing she would ever do.

But for a moment, Ahiru pondered the thought of breaking the promise.

She shook her head and splashed water onto her face, pushing that thought to the deep recesses of her mind. She decided to just keep and cherish this feeling. She wouldn't break the relationship and trust she had with him over her selfishness.

She swam a little more, pondering of other things. Just pondering.

* * *

**Author's Note:** It's been about...4 years since I posted Fakir's point of view. I actually wrote this one...I think it was after I got nominated for the award in 2007. I didn't finish it though, so I couldn't post it. But I finally got the courage to finish it and actually post it. Phew!

Hope you guys enjoyed this. Please tell me what you think!


End file.
